by Mickey Z.
The author of new, peer-reviewed article in Science and Justice, a quarterly publication of Britain's Forensic Science Society, is more than 96 percent certain that Lee Harvey Oswald did not act alone on Nov. 22, 1963. D.B. Thomas, a government scientist and JFK assassination researcher, claims to have scientific evidence that there was a shot from the much-maligned grassy knoll to the right of the president's limousine, in addition to the three shots Oswald squeezed off from the book depository window.
In light of this, I dialed up Darnay Hoffman to refresh my memory on his personal JFK theory. Hoffman is a lawyer with a client list that includes Bernie Goetz, the Son of Sam, Joel Steinberg, and JonBenet Ramsey's babysitter. He is also married to Sidney Biddle Barrows, the Mayflower Madam. In other words, Darnay Hoffman is no stranger to controversy.
"I am not part of the 89 percent of Americans - including Bill Clinton and Al Gore - who doggedly believe in a conspiracy," he told me before saying hello.
Hoffman's position is not the result of any other startling new evidence or testimony of a long-ignored witness or the hunger to merely buck a trend. Rather, his rationale is Jack Ruby's dog.
As confirmed by the Warren Commission Report, innumerable assassination books, and even Oliver Stone himself, Jack Ruby loved dogs. The portly strip club owner lived with a dozen canines, doting on them, and even calling them his "children." But it was a special dog, a dachshund named Sheba, that Ruby referred to as his "wife."
"She rarely left his side," Hoffman explained. "Even in the film JFK, a celluloid Sheba strolls with her master through the strip club he owned."
Which brings us back to Dallas.
For someone acting in concordance with a massive, well-oiled conspiracy, Ruby's behavior was rather breezy on the morning of November 24, 1963.
"Although Lee Harvey Oswald's prison transfer was scheduled for 10 A.M., according to his roommate, Ruby was still lounging about in his underwear," Darnay chuckled as I struggled to erase this image from my mind.
Moreover, the only reason Ruby left his apartment that day was to visit the local Western Union office. It appears one of his strippers had called and the big-hearted Ruby promised to wire her a $25.00 advance to pay her rent.
So, Jack and Sheba took a little drive.
With Sheba waiting in the car, Ruby entered Western Union. Although the Oswald prison transfer was delayed, this fact was not made public, so he could not have known the accused assassin was still being held in the police station directly across the street. At 11:17 A.M., Western Union records show Jack Ruby sending a money order for $25.00 to the stripper in need. Oswald was murdered at 11:21 A.M.
"Obviously, during those four minutes, Ruby decided Sheba could wait in the car while he checked out the commotion across the street at the Dallas police station," Hoffman postulated. "Then, as Ruby himself testified before the Warren Commission, the sight a smirking Oswald was just too much for him to bear."
If dog-lover Jack Ruby intended to shoot Oswald, knowing full well he'd be caught and arrested, would he leave the beloved Sheba, his "wife," locked alone in the car? Plus, when you consider that Ruby was standing just to Oswald¹s right - with a loaded gun in his pocket - during the midnight press conference of November 22, you¹d have to wonder why he didn't pull the trigger right then and there, especially with Sheba safe at home.
"It matters little which conspiracy theory you subscribe to; Jack Ruby is a major player in them all," concluded Hoffman. "In other words, to disprove Ruby's role is to disprove the presence of a conspiracy, and Sheba may do more than the testimony of 552 witnesses to dispel one of this nation¹s most powerful and enduring myths."
As anyone who has ever loved an animal companion could've told the Warren Commission, we may all be barking up the wrong tree.
Mickey Z. (Michael Zezima) is the author of Saving Private Power: The Hidden History of "The Good War" (Soft Skull Press) and a contributor to You Are Being Lied To (Disinformation Books). He can be reached at email@example.com.
Kirby The Konspiracy Boy Says, "I NEED 2 KONFORM!!!"