Painless, that is, except for Mr. Cowell.
Cowell, for those of you who don't know after the American Idol media blitz, was one of three judges involved with the show (although their job was more to give critiques, as the ultimate judge was TV viewers who voted by phone.) While the other two judges tried to temper their critiques of the performers with empathy (most notably Paula Abdul, who perhaps still nurses criticism inflicted during her own dubious pop music career) "Nasty Simon" - as he became known during the British run of the show this is based on - held no such sympathy. With a relish one would expect from Marquis de Sade as he flogs a French maid, he continuously ripped on contestants for any slight weakness he found in their performance. Thanks to this, Cowell became the most popular "villain you love to hate" on television since Larry Hagman as J.R. Ewing on Dallas (or at least since Jerri on Survivor.)
Okay, you may say, big deal. After all, part of being an artist is that you get digged on. Live with it. (And isn't it a bit hypocritical for The Konformist BOTM award to slam someone else for being a mean-spirited attack dog?)
That's true, except (as one astute contestant put it in an Entertainment Weekly article) normally when you take a critical wounding, you face it in privacy. The idea of facing a crude tongue-lashing for artistic inadequacies in front of a national audience is a particularly twisted form of humiliation. Nobody - not even Shrub Bush, Antonin Scalia or Ann Coulter - deserves that. (Okay, maybe they do, but not harmless Michael Bolton and Celine Dion imitators.)
In many ways, Cowell is the heir of the throne to Judge Judy and "Doctor" Laura, who gained fame and wealth by either ripping on those who step into a pseudo-courtroom or those who are stupid enough to call for supposed advice. Cowell, like Judy and Laura, insists his attacks were a form of "tough love." Actually, it can be better described as nothing more than "wimpy hate."
Perhaps it is fitting that the entire prime time game show frenzy has devolved into the being of Nasty Simon. Say what you will about Regis Philbin, but gosh darn it, he really did seem like he wanted every contestant to win a million dollars. That would make Cowell the ultimate anti-Philbin, at least for now. While Temptation Island may be the current standard for television depravity, humiliation is clearly not out of vogue: the appeal of both Celebrity Boxing and Celebrity Bootcamp is to see formerly famous individuals degrade themselves in the name of fifteen more Warholian minutes. And, while it isn't actually a television show, the successful video Bum Fights shows the trend has some even more appalling depths to fall to: "contestants" are drunken and drug-addicted homeless people who are paid cash to humiliate themselves before a camera. That such a sick idea could become a hit shows that the pathological nature of American culture really hasn't changed much after all.
In any case, we salute Simon Cowell as Beast of the Month. Congratulations, and keep up the great work, Simon!!!
Special Thanks to Carina Chocano's Temptation Island recaps on Salon.com and Entertainment Weekly's American Idol coverage.
Post Office Box 24825
Los Angeles, California 90024-0825
If you are interested in a free subscription to The Konformist Newswire, please visit http://www.eGroups.com/list/konformist/ and sign up. Or, e-mail konformist-subscribe@egroups.com with the subject: "I NEED 2 KONFORM!!!" (Okay, you can use something else, but it's a kool catch phrase.)
Robalini@aol.com
Kirby The Konspiracy Boy Says, "I NEED 2 KONFORM!!!"