The Konformist

July 2001

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Todd Brendan Fahey

"I'm going to have to disappear for a while, don't call me... I think I may be in some trouble."

Gary Condit, showing uncanny predictive abilities and incredible understatement on May 5 or 6, according to flight attendant (and Condit's former mistress) Anne Marie Smith.

It is an odd juxtaposition: just as the FBI is transferring the Chandra Levy investigation to its "Cold Case Unit" (the one that did such a good job solving the death of Vince Foster), with the explanation that, or so CBS's Jon Stewart is reporting, "local police have put an inappropriate emphasis on the role of Congressman Gary Condit, D-Calif., in the case," humble armchair sleuths have learned that Congressman Gary Condit made a panicked-telephone call (the "I think I might be in some trouble" call) to stewardess-cum-galpal Anne Marie Smith, from a pay phone in front of a McDonald's fast-food joint way out in Luray, Virginia., at the edge of the Blue Ridge Mountains--some 80 miles from his Washington D.C. digs.

Posters at, hearing this odd tidbit as reported on FoxNews, July 17th (with Rita Cosby continuing to perform a genuine public service in keeping the world to-date on this story), uncovered some strange facts about Luray, Virginia:


--that it is some 80 miles away from his Washington D.C. digs

--that it is renowned for its caverns (according to restaurant and motel-desk area travel brochures) (a Google search for Luray, Virginia, will produce all sorts of references to the "famous Luray Caverns")

--that it is reputed to be a haven for motorcycle gangs, of the 1%er variety...


And because the media and investigators, incredibly, have not followed through with the basic question, that being: "Congressman, What was the purpose of your visit to a remote part of Virginia, a long way away from your Congressional office, and how did you get there, and why did you feel compelled to call Anne Marie Smith from a pay phone in front of a McDonald's restaurant, to say that you `think I might be in some trouble'; and, specifically, what was the nature of that `trouble' that you felt you might be in?"; ...because no one else is asking these questions, I thought I would take the time to do so, now.

Additionally, the good Congressman from Modesto, California, has yet to make a public statement, other than his initial half-truth, that he and intern Chandra Levy were "good friends"; but he made a potentially huge misstep whilst attempting to recall his own schedule during the last day of Ms. Levy's last known day on this Earth; to wit:


--Condit was NOT with "off-air" ABC reporter Rebecca Lynch from between 6:30-7:30pm, May 1, as was previously reported to Washington D.C. police by Condit's chief of staff Mike Lynch, who, on June 29, released a timeline of the Congressman's activities during the days in question. The restaurant meeting, which ostensibly served as a discussion between Condit and reporter Cooper on various House Agriculture committee goings-on, took play on May 2--two days AFTER Levy was last seen, and a day after the last known activity coming from her cell-phone or computer via the Internet). Here we have one full hour unaccounted for by Gary Condit on the day that Levy might have left this Earth and a bald-faced "error" in Condit's timeline, as offered by his chief of staff to D.C. police. Furthermore, according to Su-Lin Nichols, a spokesperson for ABC News, Ms. Cooper has "not been contacted by any law enforcement authorities." (Source material condensed from "Washington's Incurious Police")

--We do know that Mr. Condit met with Vice President Dick Cheney at 12:30pm, May 1, in a meeting that has been put at roughly 45 minutes in duration by White House sources; but the timeline released by chief of staff Mike Lynch reveals that there is no evidence of the whereabouts of his boss from between 1:15 and 3:30pm, when he was seen attending a constituents' meeting. Recall: Ms. Levy's last known activity (or the last activity reported by her computer log) was 1:30pm.


There is also a question as to the roughly 60 minutes that Mr. Condit is supposed to have spent at a doctor's office later that same day (May 1), from between 5:00 and 6:00pm. Were I Washington D.C. police and/or FBI, I would want to know the doctor's name, address, the purpose of the Congressman's visit, and would, of course, want to verify with said physician and attendant nurses/receptionist that Condit was, indeed, present at the doctor's office during this period.

In sum: Gary Condit, clearly the strongest non-suspect in this case, and who had maintained a sexual relationship with Chandra Levy, has fully three and one-half hours of unexplained absences in his schedule, on the day that Chandra Levy--who was, as the media has just revealed, surfing Condit's House Agriculture Committee Web site and also various media sites, including Washington City Paper, Washington Post and the Drudge Report --is last reported to have been alive.

It is curious that still available online in the Washington City Paper, is an in-depth 1999 story of another dead intern, one Joyce Chiang. At 26, young and sexy (FBI profilers, are you paying attention?), Ms. Chiang, who interned for Rep. Howard Berman (D-CA), in an office then - directly adjacent to the office of Congressman Gary Condit, was last seen at a Starbucks coffee shop in Dupont Circle, January 9, 1999; on April 1, a paddling canoeist found Chiang's corpse washed up against some boulders at the edge of the Potomac, south of Belle Haven Marina in Fairfax County. There is not much more to be said about the similarities between the two interns, other than that Chiang had also left behind in her apartment her pager (Levy, her cell phone); and, that the last call Chiang received on that pager was from a pay phone at Dulles Airport. To-date, D.C. police have never identified Chiang's last phone call.

Gary Condit is fairly infamous among his own staff, and the staffs of past official positions he has held, for "checking out" at odd intervals, "going incognito," as one of his staff called his behavior recently. Stewardess Anne Marie Smith says that he wore disguises--different hats and sunglasses--during their public outings. And, most coincidentally, Chandra Levy's aunt, Linda Zamsky, revealed to investigators that her niece would frequently contact her Congressional beau by means of a beeper, or pager, to a secret number, which would alert him to the inquiry of one among his stable of babes.

There are other troubling pustules in this case: Condit's known dalliances with the Hell's Angels motorcycle gang, and even, according to a New York Post article recently, his attendance at a birthday party held for a biker convicted of the killing of a police officer.

We also have former Congressman John LeBoutillier's deeply-disturbing anecdotal report that Mr. Condit might like to take a walk on the wild side, as it were; and what with the attorney for Anne Lee Smith divulging recently that Condit enjoyed sexual excitement of the sort that was "not normal for a heterosexual man," and with growing interest in the contents of the "forbidden closet" in the Congressman's apartment and "DNA evidence" having reportedly been found all over Condit's carpets, I, for one, won't be surprised when Mr. LeBoutillier's report is verified as being true, but only as the tip of the iceberg.

That this Congressman also has a brother who is a known speed-freak, a convicted felon, a fugitive who has not been seen since 1996, is also worrisome, as is the fact that the Congressman also has another brother who, while a Sergeant in the employ of the Modesto Police Department, bought between nine and 11 weapons illegally, from a gray-market police surplus clearinghouse, and who, when requested to return those weapons, could only produce four (4) of them to his superiors. That the fugitive-con, speed-freak sibling--as is being reported today (7/20) by Geraldo Rivera, and which will be the subject of tomorrow's Star tabloid, was found in Tampa, Florida, after disappearing for a week at the end of April from his job at a construction site and reappearing the first week of May, with the use of a cane, should be of concern to FBI/D.C. police, as well.

America, we have as a member of the House of Representatives a man who sits on the House Permanent Select Intelligence Committee-- ostensibly, a man who provides Congressional oversight to WE THE PEOPLE over those who guard our nation's most sensitive National Security secrets--and who is legendary among his staff for disappearing without a trace, who wore disguises with at least one mistress; who has at least two mistresses (some sources say there could be 10 women cooperating with investigators); who appears to be fairly profligate in his spending habits (the $2,500 gold bracelets to Levy and who knows who else should raise some red flags, on a Congressman's official $140k salary); who has refused to speak of this matter to his own constituents and who has repeatedly stonewalled law enforcement investigators and perhaps even (by the errors in his May 1st timeline) lied outright of his whereabouts; who employs the very best of attorneys and pricey spin-doctors, who are being paid for, how?, we-don't-know and who fits every inch the profile of a spy, a la Robert Hanssen, regardless of the outcome of the Levy case.

And now the case is being turned over to the very same FBI office that failed to produce a credible explanation as to the death of Clinton legal advisor Vince Foster--an FBI which has just been exposed as having "lost" up to 140 laptop computers, three of which contained classified data, as well as hundreds of firearms, sans explanation.

Ladies: The scum hath risen to the top. The Peter Principle is fully in force. We have a fox guarding the hen house. And yet we take it like chumps and suckers. It is well past time to demand accountability of Washington, and to rise up by any means necessary--be it by passive resistance, tax revolt or force of arms--if We The People are blown off in our request for a return to basic Constitutional principles and reasonable representation.

I feel sick just writing these words. But it's all too clear: We've been had.


Fahey, a strategic writer stationed in South Korea, has served as aide to Central Intelligence Agency agent Theodore L. "Ted" Humes, Division of Slavic Languages, and to the late-Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA) chief Lt. General Daniel O. Graham; to former Arizona Governor Evan Mecham (R-AZ), former Congressman John Conlan (R-AZ) and others. He is author of Wisdom's Maw: The Acid Novel, Far Gone Books, 1996) and "Al Hubbard: The Original Captain Trips" (High Times magazine, 1991), exposes of the CIA's MK-Ultra program and its influence on the Sixties' psychedelic counterculture. He is the architect of .

Todd Brendan Fahey is a regular columnist for Ether Zone.

Todd Brendan Fahey can be reached at

Published in the July 27, 2001 issue of Ether Zone.

Copyright © 2001 Ether Zone Online. (

Reposting permitted with this message intact.

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