Ricky Martin in West Hollywood
IS RICKY MARTIN "LIVIN' LA VIDA HOMO"?
COME ON!!! LOOK AT THE GUY!!!
Ever since Ricky Martin-mania has hit the world, we here at The Konformist have been racking our brains over one question: "How can we cynically jump on his bandwagon for our own personal benefit?"
We believe we have come up with the answer.
For all the millions of women in the world who are panting for Ricky, a question seems to haunt all their fantasies of him: is he gay?
Make no mistake about it: this is a question on a lot of people's minds. Recently, it was the top question posted to "Ask Jeeves" on the internet.
Oddly, though it is a question quite a few people are asking, the major media has treated it with a silence normally reserved for J. Edgar Hoover and Janet Reno. Besides a few snide articles in GettingIt and Salon Magazine, and some smart ass comments from Howard Stern (who, after mercilessly attacking others for faults in personal lives, is proving himself to be a whiny hypocrite after the recent revelations of his failed job as a husband) and other shock jocks, the story has gotten almost no publicity.
And so, the question must be asked: is Ricky Martin - who, incidentally, is a well-groomed, sharply dressed, narcissistic man who really enjoys dancing, and who previously starred in a soap opera, a Broadway musical and the pop band Menudo - a homosexual? (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
We at The Konformist can't say for sure what the answer is: of course, we also can't say for sure if Pro Wrestling is faked. We are sure of one thing: he is DEFINITELY in touch with his feminine side, which is pretty suspicious to begin with.
Personally, we wouldn't blame Ricky for hiding his fairyhood: after all, he's got records to sell, and to get women to spend hard cash, an illusion needs to be sold. And for the record, he is a talented performer, and we understand why women so desperately want to buy the illusion: he's a charismatic singer, with a thin yet impressively muscular frame, a handsome face with luscious lips, and a nice, firm butt.
Uh, what we meant to say is, um... say, this football season sure is interesting to watch, isn't it?
Anyway, we at The Konformist don't blame Ricky at all for faking that he is a man, even if he's doing an unconvincing job of it. Still, we want to encourage him to come out of the closet and admit that he is the sissy everyone suspects he is. Don't worry Ricky, we'll be behind you 100% - uh, that is, we'll be behind you, but we won't be staring at your nice, firm ass, because we're not gay. In the meantime, here is our page dedicated to all things Ricky, fruity or not.
Want to bet he's gay?
Tales of bestiality and a teen idol in an armoire
The official site
From Time Magazine.
From Entertainment Weekly.
Kirby The Konspiracy Boy Says, "I NEED 2 KONFORM!!!"