"MUNIR HUSSAIN SOCIETY" FOUNDED IN CRASH AFTERMATH
"NO COMMENT" SAYS JELLO BIAFRA
NEW YORK, July 20, 1999 (CP) - An unorthodox controversy is currently raging in anarchist and radical circles about the recent plane crash and deaths of John Kennedy Jr, Carolyn Bessette Kennedy and Lauren Bessette.
Not suprisingly, many in the radical milieu have mocked the mainstream media's "fawning" coverage of the affair. "Get a life!" was the response of one leftist caller to the distraught listeners of a popular New York City talk-radio show.
A Washington-based anarchist media source announced the missing JFK plane story with a headline reading, "Worthless rich person pilots plane into ocean."
Many self-described "class struggle" anarchists have expressed morbid satisfaction in the occupations of the crash victims. They worked, respectively, as a former New York City prosecutor, a Calvin Klein PR executive and, most appropriately, a Wall Street investment banker and venture capitalist.
Other extremists criticized John Kennedy Jr's widely-reported charity efforts as the "cleansing of liberal guilt" and "poverty pimping." "If you provoke us with yuppie hagiography, we're going to continue to take wicked glee in this so-called tragedy," threatened Chicago-based radical, Lucy Parsons.
The anarchists are blaming "inane commentaries" for their hardline and seemingly heartless stance in the face of national and international mourning for America's "crown prince". One man keeping vigil at JFK's apartment in New York City described John Kennedy Jr as "just a normal guy" as he laid flowers at an ad hoc memorial.
This prompted one anonymous bystander to yell, "Ya, a fucking normal guy who owns a $300,000 plane and has multi-million dollar trust funds set up by his anti-Semitic bootlegging granddaddy and Greek fascist capitalist pig shipowning stepfather." The heckler was promptly arrested by the NYPD, and criticized by some Greenwich Village Ralph Nader-supporters for "divisive, ideological rhetoric."
North of the border, Canada's national newspaper, the Globe and Mail, ran a front-page column which uncritically quotes from Kennedy biographer, John Collier. He writes of the Kennedys, "There is something riveting about people who live and die more dramatically than we do."
The quote caused one Montreal activist to unceremoniously vomit his eclectic breakfast of soy milk, bananas, croissants and fresh raspberry jam.
Dissenting anarchist opinions, however, are being heard above the predictable radical din. Michael Eikhenbaum, a Long Island anti-authoritarian, described the crash as a "tragic waste." He explains:
"From what I can gather, the plane was six-seater, so the crash was really 50% effective from my point-of-view. Using a simple math formula, I've determined that at least three others could have fit into the plane comfortably."
His colleague, Mollie Steimer, agrees: "Too bad they couldn't have flown at least a few more annoying Kennedys, or at least one of those pasty white Gore kids."
Eikhenbaum and Steimer's sentiments were countered by Paul Bousse, another anarchist agitator, "It's all relative really," he said. "I'm an optimist, so I like to think the plane was half-full rather than half-empty."
Oddly, some Buffalo-based activists have announced the formation of a "Munir Hussain Society" in the aftermath of the crash. The society is loosely modeled on the secretive "Henri Paul Memorial Society" formed in the immediate aftermath of Princess Diana's 1997 death.
Henri Paul was the driver of Diana's limousine, which helps explain the society's motto: "Every royal parasite deserves a drunk French chauffeur!" Munir Hussain is believed to be the man who sold John Kennedy Jr his ill-fated plane three months ago. He is not known to be an anarchist.
Meanwhile, Quebec media sources are reporting that the statue bust of John F. Kennedy Sr in downtown Montreal has again been defaced with graffiti reading "Ho, Ho, Ho ... Ho Chi Minh!" It was apparently written by a local anti-imperialist with a black marker, an irrational grudge and a long memory.
Kirby The Konspiracy Boy Says, "I NEED 2 KONFORM!!!"